the party in my head

tell me something i don't know

something new and fluffy.

tell me something different and forgiving.

make me forget the quiet boredom, the silly loneliness

those moments i dream a scream inside my head..

let me know tomorrow will want me

But forget me, if only for today...
As today i will be a recluse

i will gloat and float and fear

until you tell me something i did not know

hope in a box

Those pills don't work
They make me sick
And do strange things:
Not feel a thing
Or give a fuck

That's not me.

It happens often.

I'll sink myself
Into the deep end
I'll float back up
To stare blindingly at the sun
And I'll find my way
Eventually

...and so i left her standing there in a puddle of pills

'nuff's said, i'm dead'

she said:

'more regret.. always fret.. and never ever forget'

but she forgot to mention that she had no intention of leaving 

or running 

or changing 

or staying."

" i'm looking for distractions

 i'm needing more attention than i deserve

i sleep all day 

and talk all night 

I'll drink and think 

until i die."

She told me she had forgotton who she was 

And what she's been 

and all that she had seen. 

"it all belonged to another time 

and another girl" 

she had lost or forgot it all.. she said

"but there is always music

laughter...love...

touch ... 

and wine to fill my soul

i have sadness caused by nothingness 

and i know i am and need so much more."

she bored me with her self importance 

So.. i left her there 

Talking to herself.