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anxious

Today is one of those days where I want to cut my hair and wear tons of makeup- put on something new. throw out my couch and get bean bags.i want to feel productive and not repetitive. I will not cut off my hair and I will apply makeup sparingly. I will not go out and buy something new- I will not find anything i would want to wear anyway. I cannot afford to throw out my couch and buy bean bags. I am destined to be repetitive and not productive.my life needs a trash bin for all my junk.count to ten & sing:Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. All day long.

i found my original post

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2004
yes i find myself here
because my brother sent me a link to a dead site. it seems to no longer exist. so i will write this blog, which no one will read, to feel like i have not wasted any time.


my blogger site name was whathefuq
how cute

note to death

If death were to find me today, I would say “hello, I am not ready.” I have decided I am worth the fight. We are worth the struggle. I would take the challenge. I have time to change. I have time to live. I have time to find my way of what I would like to be. I’d say, in ten years- come back and see what I have accomplished. I plan to be some one else. I plan to love my life. I plan to make, create, enjoy, construct - all of me. Death, we will decide later. I am not giving up yet. So, if I accidentally run into my well

Made grave… realize it was a means of survival for now. I plan to exist a bit longer.

remember this

If I could be perfect I would disappear... you would have never known me. I would be an idea.
But I am not