letter to a dead friend

miedosa
so, what happened to make you die? Drop too many tabs? Smoke too much rock. Where you always sick and we just didn’t notice? You are now simply vacant. I remember how you used to laugh and joke around & How girls at school would write me notes telling me I was not good enough for you. If they could see you now, with your homemade nunchucks and your ranting about the mental messages sent from Mount Wilson. They would be scared. I am afraid you were right about alien abductions- because that is what happened to you.

a lamentation

miedosa
I have to return that damned trombone. I keep forgetting to- and it is in my car.
I would really like a cigarette- but I am all out.
I wish I could be distracted by the itching produced by opiates.
I felt better yesterday, but today I woke up feeling trapped again.
In spite of this, fuck it and fuck me and fuck my notions.
At least, I experience no fear.
I am really tired of being me.

my mother is obsessed with the dead pope..

miedosa that is it. it is very annoying-- that is all she talked about today at lunch. i wonder how much of what she tells me is made up? i stopped listening after 2 minutes. blah, blah, john, blah, paul.

oh yeah, try this underhill----->

http://www.orapois.com/br/arquivos/0127200514235747g.swf

applied for 4 jobs-->

miedosa
let's see what happens. i emailed my cover letters and resume. i found another job i would like to apply for -- it is a morgue aid. my job would be to fill out the death certificates for the unclaimed dead. i think it sounds fabulous--as long as i don't have to touch them. the meds are also starting to work. i am feeling a bit slower- not as sad and anxious. i was commenting to darth that i found an old record of 'the the' with uncertain smile on it and i have been listening to that a lot lately. well, that is about it. nothing spectacular- damn it!

girls in love do corney things..

miedosa

yes, i am a dumb girl.

miedosa

miedosa

ok, so i stole this from neruda.... but it should have been me who wrote this.

miedosa


LXVI
NO TE QUIERO sino porque te quiero
y de quererte a no quererte llego
y de esperarte cuando no te espero
pasa mi corazón del frío al fuego.

Te quiero sólo porque a ti te quiero,
te odio sin fin, y odiándote te ruego,
y la medida de mi amor viajero
es no verte y amarte como un ciego.

Tal vez consumirá la luz de enero,
su rayo cruel, mi corazón entero,
robándome la llave del sosiego.

En esta historia sólo yo me muero
y moriré de amor porque te quiero,
porque te quiero, amor, a sangre y fuego

from the mouth's of babes...

miedosa
this morning my four year old was commenting how he enjoys going to parties with his dad. He told me at the last party they went to there was a bouncer and he jumped all day with his brother and alexis (his dad's girlfriends daughter) but, what he liked the best were all the beautiful girls, because there were many beautiful girls. my son is a player.

i did it..

miedosa
i found the courage to email my ex-boss and ask for a letter of recommendation. i originally intended to call him, but that would have not been a good idea. i quit that job because my boss liked to get drunk and smack me in the ass. he also would talk dirty and try to get me to touch his 'muscles'. i quit before it got uglier... cause it was heading to hell. now, i desperately need a new job.. like yesterday. i have never really had to get a job. i remember applying for retail jobs and always landing them -- but that was, like, 10 years ago.. and i am applying for a different type of job. my last job i was the broker's assistant for a mortgage loan office.
so i am sitting here, trying to be patient.. Clicking on my check mail button on outlook.. waiting for that damn letter. next, i have to gather the courage to apply... oh, crap. i hope he decides to be nice and write a good letter--fucker!

ok, pity party is officially over..

miedosait's friday and i am forcing myself to have fun.- i will put on some lipgloss and high heels and i am going out for a dirty martini! gosh, my hair looks great.

haha.. my new profile..

miedosa the wierd lady with the little dog.. yes, that is my dog. her name is rita. she is a mutt- like me-

WARNING: self-loathing

miedosaI began laughing and it reminded me of my sadness. So, I only half smiled and looked away. I didn’t want anyone to see that pathetic look of pain on my face. I couldn’t stand anyone asking what was wrong- what has been bothering me. I couldn’t bare to hear one more word of unwarranted advice. Those arrogant and heartless words hurt my head and make me want pick up my fucking plate and bash in their heads. I can’t even fucking laugh today... I can’t fucking stand myself any longer. I don’t want to be seen this way. I didn’t want to ever feel so alone again, I don’t think I have felt this damaged since 1996. I didn’t want to feel so out of control again, but I am here and I have to do something, quick, to get over it.

desperately seeking help

miedosa HOW THE FUCK DO I ERASE MY GMAIL ACCOUNT?

Which Unwanted
Sexual Gesture Are You?

Made by the fine folks at
daylighttwilight.com

oh, great.

miedosa
i just tried to text-message my boyfriend something sexy, but i think it ended up sounding stalker. great.

If you were sentenced ....

miedosa
to eat just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? (besides cherry-flavored pez)

borrowed from bustywilde's misadventurous page

miedosa
miedosa

oh, i guess i had nothing better to do.. exept for everything.


You're Lili St. Cyr!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Huey Lewis

miedosa
I am considering going back on meds.. but only if there is a pill that helps to overcome insecurity, heartbreak and alcoholism. And which side effects include anorexia, increased sex drive, clear skin and uncontrollable happiness. The last med I was on, Zoloft, made my emotions stable, left me bored with myself- but, fuck, I didn’t care.. I was fine. Nothing overwhelmed me or scared me much. Should I just accept this is the way I am and try to deal with it?

the significance of blogging

miedosa
I think this blogging stuff is getting on my boyfriend’s nerves, I hope he doesn’t dump me because of it (ahem). And I feel bad- but I really enjoy logging on and reading some pretty funny and sometimes informative shit. For example, I just read a very accurate blog on kissing by sassy @ http://nursesassy.blogspot.com/ . A must read for all men. I am a big fan of the make-out—it could go on forever, ya know? I cannot stress how the right kiss and technique can make of break the deal.
Blogging is also a great place to let it all out—hang loose if you will. Come here and nag, write all that depressing shit that you really can’t share with anyone- unless you don’t mind being a friendless drag. It is really up to the reader whether he/she wants to continue to loiter with you in your wretchedness.
I will continue to escape to your troubles, cause they are so much fucking easier to deal with.. you all keep writing those cleaver articles to keep me smiling—k?

I am so hurt..

miedosa

can you believe mcg at has not linked me on his site!?!?!? I mean, I work for him and don’t get paid for a year... and still no link. I dunno what i did wrong?! oh well, guess i am not worthy..

more quizes-- found this one on spudmonkey's blog

miedosa

You scored as Art Freak. You artsy fartsy kid you. You rock my world. Art Freak 50% Loner 44% Cheerleader/Jock 38% Nerd 19% Punk Ass Kid 6% Loser 0% What's You're Sterotype? created with QuizFarm.com

wow.

yeah, i can relate a little.

miedosa
I am a Leo.
(Also known as "Lion")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" From the early age, Leos are inclined towards drunkennes and extortion. When it comes to anything else, they show a remarkable degree of laziness. As a child, a Leo will typically demand a lot of money from parents, then from friends and even casual aquaintances. " (Read more | Find yours)

i wanted to be a 4

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

whaddaya think of dat??

"Choose a band/artist and answer these questions only in song titles by that band/artist"

miedosa

i 'borrowed this from darth @

Guess what band I chose:

Are you male or female: 52 Girls
Describe yourself: She Brakes for Rainbows
How do some people feel about you: COSMIC THING
How do you feel about yourself: DANCE THIS MESS AROUND
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Detour Thru Your Mind
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Hero Worship
Describe where you want to be: 53 Miles West of Venus
Describe what you want to be: Queen of Las Vegas
Describe how you live: Follow Your Bliss
Describe your current mood: Runnin' Around
Describe how you love: Whammy Kiss
Share a few words of wisdom: Nip It in the Bud